# 55

 

 

Who Was Franz Ferdinand ?

Part 2.

 

 

 

Early the next morning, Ferdie and Willy gathered their equipment and departed for the pervasive forest to enjoy a day of hunting. Although the overcast sky threatened them with rain, the two middle-aged men trudged on along well-marked pathways. One group of  hunters ignored Franz Ferdinand’s frozen impenetrability. They were his rough, crude, eagle-eyed mountaineers that served him on all his hunting trips. Echoing throughout the woods, brass trumpets blared constantly in an attempt to frighten the prey and drive them out into the open.

At the least movement of an animal, small or large, Ferdie, even while chatting with 

his companion, fired his weapon without skipping a beat. If he killed an animal, great or  small, he left it to his gamekeeper to gather up. If the animal showed signs of life, the 

Gamekeeper administered the coup de grace.

Willie sought to distract Ferdie from his unorthodox way of hunting by broaching the  

subject of the Balkan problem.

“Now, dear cousin,” said Ferdie, “let me say at the outset, I am an advocate of  maintaining peace in the Balkans.”

The Kaiser sat down on a tree stump.
 

“The biggest problem is Servia,” said Ferdie. “Therefore, I would try to create a confederacy of all south Slav territory which would include Slovenia, Dalmatia, Croatia, Bosnia and Herzegovina. It would be a Croat-dominated Slav kingdom as a bulwark against those crazy Servians. This, of course, will outrage Servian nationalists who want   
‘One Servia’, a sort of Jugoslavia!”

 

Crack! Crack! Crack!

The loud shots from Ferdie’s rifle poured bullets at a streaking deer, its antlers

crashing against tree limbs.

The Kaiser used the interruption in their conversation to ask what plans the Heir Apparent had for strengthening the Austria-Hungary Dualism.

“First of all,” replied Ferdie, lowering his weapon, “I am becoming increasingly opposed to the way the two countries exist politically. I have already proposed universal suffrage in Hungary, but the Magyar’s fear it will undermine their domination of politics there. Their power must be controlled if we are to stifle the political rumblings that are   heard all over Hungary.”

 

Crack! Crack! Crack!

“As you know, Willie, I am trying to maintain an enormous and well-disciplined 

army. First off, I replaced the old doddering army commander in chief with Count Franz   Conrad von Hotzendorf. He has been of enormous assistance to me in reorganizing our troops. The Austrian-Hungarian armies are nearing the top of their form. Soon, we will   be able to deal with any enemy! In addition to an interest in military affairs, I have established a round table like the one you have in Berlin. It’s sort of a ministry of my   own. It has become very influential in Austrian politics.”
 

A blast from a hunter’s horn stopped the conversation.
 

“Willy,” shouted Ferdie, “See that roe deer? It’s yours! Get ‘im!”   

The Kaiser using his one sound arm calmly lifted his shotgun and fired a round at the animal just as it started behind a thick bush. There was no doubt that he made a
successful kill. The deer leaped several feet into the air; slammed back to the ground, its legs shaking violently.

 

 

“Damned fine shooting, old man!” cried Ferdie. “Yes sir! Damned fine shooting!”

A horse drawn cart drove up to the scene and stopped near the dead prey. Two men swiftly lifted the carcass and tossed it in among the other assortment of dead animals.

After several hours of tramping through the woods, the group reached a rough cabin nestled in a clearing.
The servants had set up tables outside. While they were preparing food for the hungry hunters, large pots, filled with hot water, were placed on nearby benches. Ferdie and Willy found soap bars to wash their hands and faces. No one stood on ceremony while deep in the clutches of Mother Nature!
A hot meal of hunter’s stew, black bread and butter, washed down with steins of beer,

created an atmosphere of Gemütlichkeit.

Ferdie’s hardy mountaineers broke out into bawdy songs. In deference to the Archduke’s strong religious beliefs, they ended each with Gott sei dank!

The beer loosened Ferdie tongue and he disclosed some mental disorders of Austrian
monarchs.

“Franz Joseph had one uncle who walked around his carriage and spoke to each horse, telling them how to behave during the drive. My mother’s family, the House of
Wittelsbach in Bavaria, was inclined toward cretinism and other forms of idiocy and lunacy.”

“Uncle Herman lived in a grand palace near Linz. It had indoor facilities for one’s ablutions and toilet. Instead, he had a large hole made in his bedroom wall that led to the
outdoors. When the urge arrived, he shit and urinated through the hole! The staff, of course, was on full time duty waiting for the event to occur. Visitors were cautioned not
to stroll too close to the palace wall!”

Willy roared with laughter.

“Don’t laugh, Willy,” cautioned Ferdie. “One of our relatives, in Hungary, rides a horse through the city…”

“Don’t tell me!” interrupted Willy. “He imitated Lady Godiva!”

“You got that right, cousin!”

 

“You’ve seen my uncle several times. Did you not find him a bit queer? I might add   he is on another planet. He dines at a table by himself, indulging in rapid, badly   masticated mouthfuls. His dinners are very frugal: a little broth, a small piece of broiled   beef with very few vegetables, often a flour-pudding, and two fingers of wine with much   mineral water!”

Ferdie waited until Willy released several belches.

 

“Gesundheit!” laughed Ferdie.

“Morning, noon and night, Uncle Josef attacks the mountainous mass of papers which

he loves to see replenished daily upon his writing table. He sits there some fifteen to   sixteen hours a day. He is obsessed with his work schedule. During times of real stress, he has the urge to be doing things. It is an urge that often rises to frenzy!”



 

Willy poured himself more beer. “It seems to me that his compulsiveness might be his way of releasing his personal anxieties.”

“Perhaps that is true, but I find it really twisted,” Ferdie sighed. “I will give him this: he has led our nation for half a century and, in spite of his multiple ups-and-downs, he
has stayed the course! I have concluded, however,” said Ferdie, “that the Emperor busies himself with details, even the most trivial, so as to avoid becoming involved in the
perplexities of vital state problems and getting no further. He often attacks some matter only to let it drop in a very short time. He does not possess that searching gaze which   clearly sees the great in the small and the whole and puts the knowledge gained to practical purpose!”

The Kaiser nodded his head several times and said, “I studied his Piedmont campaign when he and the idiot, Napoleon the Third, decided to take command of their troops in person! Neither of them had enough actual military experience to stuff a gnat’s ear. It was a disaster for both But, in spite of his many foreign relations disasters, I get quite ill   trying to imagine his personal tragedies!”

Ferdie’s face darkened. “I have the same feelings as you but I can’t find any reason to sympathize with him. I say that his sea of troubles is of his own making! He avoids   luxury. His bed is an iron cot of almost barrack room sternness. His one appetite, if one is to eliminate his occasional sexual orgies, is for cigars, usually of the variety known in   America as stogies.”

“Yes, I know,” said Willy. “Every Christmas, Dona and I send him several boxes, which he has written to us that, among all his gifts, are the ones that he really appreciates
the most.”

Ferdie tapped the top of the table. “His breakfast is one damned kipferl and a cup of tea.”

Putting his hand up as though protesting, Willy laughed, “I love those little crescent shaped rolls. I was told they are dear to the hearts of all Viennese!”



 

“Good for you!” growled Ferdie. “Have you ever watched him eat? His meals consist of extremely plain food, with very little of it. He gobbles his food as quickly as possible
so that he doesn’t have to smoke on an empty stomach!”

 

“He distrusts indoor plumbing and conducts his ablutions with the aid of pitchers and a wash stand. Two lackeys bring him a tin bathtub so that he could have his weekly bath.   He pounced upon his chamberlain; a man with twenty years service, because he disliked the way he did his hair.”

“On the parade ground, atop the back of his fine horse, he cuts, on the whole, a finer figure than many of the general around him.”

“Uncle Josef never appears in civilian clothes, not even for his sparse and frugal breakfast in the privacy of his own chambers with no one but his personal valet in attendance! He is attired in uniform from his habitual awakening at four-thirty in the morning until he goes to bed at night.”

As the men prepared to return to the Castle, Ferdie grabbed Willy’s hand. “I am worried that since he really despises me for marrying Sophie he might dream up some  scheme to get me out of the way. I approached the Emperor with the suggestion that I become co-regent with him. He blew his top!”



 

A moment passed with the two men staring into each other’s eyes.

Ferdie grasped Willy’s hand even tighter. “God almighty, I am afraid that the old fool

might be considering a Gotterdämmerung! I sincerely believe he is looking for the chance to go out in flames! When you visit with him, please see what you can find out.”

“I think you are overreacting,” said Willy, calmly. “However, I will do what I can to find out. I will tell you all that I learn. I promise.”

Willy asked, “What did you think of our cousin, Rudolph?”

 

Ferdie stared at his beer stein. “When I met Rudolf, the only son of Uncle Franzi and Aunt Elisabeth, the impression he made upon me was peculiar. He was undoubtedly a fine, well set-up figure. He resembled his mother Elizabeth. I did think that his drinking and carousing had a negative effect on his physique, He looked well in his smart general’s uniform, and he rode his thoroughbred with great skill. Overall, he looked to   me tired, bored and absent-minded. He struck me as a man already worn out. Yet, his striking intellectual gifts and unusual abilities were praised in all quarters.”

Although he knew the answer, Willy asked, “Did they do an autopsy?”

“Oh, yes. It occurred in secret of course. I had a conversation with the royal physician. The post-mortem on Rudolf revealed symptoms of advanced paralysis which could have
killed him in a year or so anyway. Had he not been on booze or drugs, I believe he would have made a great emperor. But now, the son-of-a-bitch left the job to me!”

“I wouldn’t worry too much, Ferdie,” said Willy. “If I can do it, I know that you can, too!”

“By the way,” Ferdie added, “I visited Heiligenkreuz cemetery where Mary Vetsera found her last resting place. On the base of the cross on the grave were the words from
the book of Job: ‘We grow up as a flower and are cut off.’ Today, no one mentions Rudolf or his tart!”

“Well, my friend” said Willy soberly, “in a hundred or so years, no one will mention you or I.”

The men began walking home. “When we get back to the castle” said Ferdie, “let’s go to my garden. I have some rare orchids that are in full bloom to show you!”

On arriving at Knopitsch palace, Wilhelm complained of a head cold. He begged Ferdinand to excuse him from the garden expedition. “I’ve seen your beautiful grounds
on several visits. But right now, I feel lousy. Why don’t you take Herbie with you? He will appreciate the opportunity. What do you think Herbie?”

“If His Highness will not be offended by the presence of a lowly German Captain, I will be delighted to see all your famed gardens.”

For the first time since the visitors arrived, a broad smile crossed Ferdie’s face. “By  Jove, let us do it!” he exclaimed. “Willy, by all means, take a rest and we will see you
later this evening.”