# 48

The Kaiser Learns About The Hate Literature

Spread By The Triple Entente.

The Baron Dichtener house resounded with laughter as the guests regaled their hosts by
tall tales subtly sprinkled with sexual innuendos. Even Johanna gave as good as she got.

Later, the visitors strolled into a spacious library, the walls on which samples of

preserved fish dangled. Dozens of colorful shellfish filled nearby tables.

Wandering about the room, the Kaiser and Tirpitz checked out the knick-knacks. On
a mahogany corner table, they discovered embedded in the corners several oyster shells,
each containing a white pearl set in mother-of-pearl. Lighted wall sconces caused the art
form to gleam brightly.

Tirpitz, wiggling his hand, showed the Kaiser a ring on his right pinky finger.
“This is a black pearl,” he said, as Wilhelm examined the ring. “I purchased it from a

dealer when our squadron visited Tahiti. The man showed me a black pearl the size of my
thumb. I asked him if he would sell it to me. The dealer’s body shook as he laughed
loudly. He said that he would not take less than ten thousand marks!”

“Gott im Himmel!” exclaimed the Kaiser. “Unmöglich!”

No, Willie, not impossible. But black pearls, especially that size, are as rare as hen’s
teeth.”

All the men sat in red leather-bound chairs near a highly polished mahogany table.
Clamshells served as ashtrays. The warmth from a blazing fire in the fieldstone fireplace
felt good to the visitors for the weather had turned cool and damp.

Speaking softly, Theobald called the meeting to order. He fixed his monocle in place

and assumed the posture of a college professor by taking hold of his lapels with both
hands.

Your Majesty and my esteemed colleagues, we meet today as brothers-in-arms. We
are faced with a grave situation and we must face it with intelligence and determination!”
The Chancellor looked Wilhelm directly in his face. “Your Majesty, we have
uncovered the “Mother of All Plots! God protect Germany!”

Shaking his head, Wilhelm said, “I thought you were going to say ‘mother of pearl.’

"Nevertheless, seriously, how is it possible that our beautiful land lives among nations that

express their hatred for us? I find it to be comparable to a disease whose microbes are

eating away at our national fabric.”

Theobald continued, “This attitude should explain why Germany, whose economy is
quite sound and growing more each year, may have to go to war to save the Fatherland.

We are feared by the Triple Entente, especially Great Britain!”

The Kaiser chuckled, “I love it when the British fear Germany’s supposed world

domination. This from the nation that boasts, “The sun never sets on the British Empire!

What remains? Oh yes, there is an iceberg or two in Antarctica!”

The Chancellor stared at his liege.

“Thank you, Willie! First of all, let me emphasize that for the past decade Great
Britain has supported a nefarious plan to stir up anti-German feelings not only in the

British Isles, but also throughout the world.”
 

Theobald opened a brief case and emptied its contents on the table.
 

“Here are examples of potboiler literature that is found in many English homes. The
books put the fear of God in people of all ages.”

He read aloud the titles of each one: Spies of Wight, A New Trafalgar, Riddle of the

Sands, The Boy Galloper Cadet, The Invasion, When the Eagle Flies Seaward, Death

Trap, The Message, The Enemy in our Midst, Spies of the Kaiser, When England Slept,
and When Kaiser William Came.


“Foreign magazines are filled with articles denigrating the Fatherland. One English

industrialist paid more than three hundred thousand francs to place hate ads in French

newspapers. Large headlines shout vulgar things about Germany and its government.

Caricatures denigrate our Kaiser and nearly everyone in the government. No one is safe
from their barbs! I am embarrassed to show you these caricatures.”
He placed a thick folder in front of the Wilhelm.

The Kaiser thumbed through the cartoons and then he passed them along to the other group members.
Most of them represented the Kaiser as a megalomaniac grasping a globe of the world. Several
expressed double-entendres that underlined the sexual escapades of German government
officials. When Philipp Eulenburg’s caricature came up, Wilhelm let out an eerie howl.

Everyone looked at the Emperor with great perturbation. However, Wilhelm quickly

regained his composure.

“Fortunately,” he said, “we, Germans, have thick skins and can disallow such

ignorance by people who should know better! It’s a ‘sticks and stones’ thing. Theo, let us

get down to more important matters that Germany faces!”

Caressing his closely cropped beard, Theobald waited for a moment to collect his
thoughts.

“Back in 1903, our agents learned that Colonel William Robertson, of the British War
Office’s Intelligence Section, told his prime minister that the British navy must be

prepared to exert its full strength on a moment’s notice and remain on the offensive.

He recommended blockading German ports, thus destroying Germany’s foreign trade and

eventually rendering our army useless.”

“We heard from our naval delegate to London that England was firmly resolved

according to the principle that ‘might makes right,’ to employ, with all cunning and

ruthlessness, the power which she possesses in her fleet!”

“Of course, no one in England favors an all-out war, but to survive economically they

have decided to fight, since increasing her cutthroat competition doesn’t seem to work
very well. Her economy is in shambles. Mines, manufacturers and businesses of all types

have closed down. Guess whom they blame for their difficulties? Deutschland!”


The members pounded their fists on the tabletop causing the clamshell ashtrays to

wobble back and forth. Wilhelm laughed and said, “Please continue, Theo.”

“There is much more to the Triple Entente’s scheme to put Germany under their
thumb. Our agents in London report daily they have proof that Britain, France and Russia
actually plan the destruction of the German Empire.”

The Kaiser paled. “I can understand France’s hatred of us. I cannot understand why

the Tsar allows Russia to build up a similar hatred. Moreover, I cannot understand why

England has developed such an anti-Germany attitude! For God’s sake, our two nations
are genetically a family. English history is like one horse pulling two wagons. Our
histories head in the same direction. Outside of honestly competing with the English, they

have no quarrel with Germany!”

“That may very well be, Willie,” continued Theobald, “but the principal objective of

the three allies is to break German power and its military domination, by reducing its area

to its pre-1860 borders! For example, and not surprisingly, France will take back Alsace

Lorraine. However, she will not stop there! She plans to take parts of Rhenish Prussia and

the Palatinate.”
“Belgium will obtain an important part of Germany bordering her. Denmark will

regain Schleswig-Holstein. The kingdom of Hanover goes to guess whom?”
 

“England!” everyone shouted.

“Our Russian neighbors will annex the lower course of the River Nieman and most of

Galacia. She will annex eastern Posnania and Silesia, which have been German territory

for hundreds of years. Of course, Russia will demand that the Dardenelles offer free

passage to them forever. To insure this aim, Russia will occupy Constantinople an be

free to sail uninhibited from the Black Sea to the Mediterranean.”

“As to Austria-Hungary, the Allies will create a triple monarchy which will consist of
Austria, the Kingdom of Bohemia and all of the Kingdom of Hungary!”
“Servia will annex Bosnia, Herzegovina, Dalmatia and northern Albania while Greece
will annex southern Albania.”
“Britain, France and Japan will divide amongst themselves all German colonies in
Africa, Asia and the Pacific.

A groan from the mouth of Wilhelm stopped Leopold’s comments.
 

“What is it, Willie?” asked Moltke.

The Kaiser picked up one of the anti-German books from the table and hurled it
against the wall. Luckily, he missed hitting any of the Baron’s knickknacks.

“What kind of fucking stupidity does the Triple Entente possess that makes them think

that Germany will just roll over and give up? The fucking French will roll over! The

fucking Russians will roll over! When that’s accomplished, England will feel the wrath of
an angry Teuton! I read the crap of the econimists that we stole. The lousy liars.

Everyone remained quiet while the Kaiser wiped tears of anger from his eyes.
 

“Are you all right?” asked Tirpitz.

Wilhelm simply nodded his head and waved his hand signaling Leopald to continue
his discussion.

Bethmann emitted a long sigh and patted his Willie upon the shoulder.

With a modicum of order achieved, the Chancellor looked over his notes. “Just a few
years ago, the British War Office began surveying the area in Belgium near Charleroi

where a BEF might have to fight in the event of war with Germany. They have mapped

every inch of the roads leading from Belgium to the French border. Here is a copy of a

surveyor’s notebook that one of our agents found near the town of Mons, Belgium."

Theobald gave the notebook to the Kaiser who did not give it a glance, but passed it
around to the other men. “I read it last evening.”

Without waiting for the group to peruse the notebook, Theobald said, “Edward Grey

plans to deliberately use Belgium as an excuse to involve us in a war. Obviously, the

Allies believe that if Germany goes through Belgium, the world will abhor such an

action. What they don’t know is that our General Moltke has made important changes in

the plan that will throw the French strategy into a cocked hat.”
 

“That is what I want to hear, Theo!” cried the Kaiser.

“France,” said Theo “boasts to the world about its peaceful intentions. Yet, we fully
know that since Joffre the Fat became chief of staff, the French law extended periods of
military service from two to three years. Joffre may be fat, but he is smarter than a fox.

She openly demands revanche with an eye on regaining Alsace-Lorraine.”

Everyone laughed at the thought of a “fat” General Joffre.

“Just before I was appointed to my office, our Chancellor Bernhard von Bulow, had
effectively postponed the idea of a preventative war until a cause arose which would

inspire the German people.

 

“Yes, Theo,” interrupted Wilhelm, “Von Bulow once told me that ‘nowadays no war

can be declared unless a whole people are convinced that the war is necessary and just. A
war, lightly provoked, even if it were fought successfully, would have a bad effect on the

country, and if it ended in defeat, it might entail the fall of the dynasty!’ We need to make

plans that give the world the impression that Germany is a victim and not an aggressor.”
 

Falkenhayn pounded the table with his fist. “I say amen to that. We must begin a
powerful public relations program that will make German patriotism soar to the high
heavens!”

The Kaiser blew a kiss to his War Minister.

Bethmann coughed lightly in order to bring the meeting back to order. “May I remind

everyone that all delays are now dangerous for us.”

“Then, let’s saddle up and get the show on the road,” said Wilhelm.

A church bell slowly began to chime the time.